Naruto, We've got to catch that villain!
by Procrastinater
Summary: Naruto is presented with a B Class mission, but all is not as it seems. Not only wil this mission be Naruto's ultimate test, but everyone is also acting weird. Humorously weird. Randomness ensues. what's this? kakashi does the chicken dance? That's right
1. Naruto's day

We've Got to Catch That Villain

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Naruto, nor do I own rights to its characters

(Author's note: It's been a long time since I wrote a fanfic, so this story might seem a little crude and/or formal compared to my other fanfics)

Uzumaki Naruto's life had changed a lot recently. One change was that Naruto couldn't keep up with the payments on his apartment, so he now lived with a roommate named Sora Saori. Sora was a very interesting person to say the least. He was the only ninja who changed his clothes daily for example, although he only had five different clothes; all the same style, but each a different color. Sora's "regular" clothes, or the clothes he wore the most was a black shirt with a black jacket, very baggy black pants, and overlarge yellow and black shoes. His other clothes were only single colors though: one was red, one was blue, one was yellow, and one was silver Also, Sora always went on about how he was destined to save the world from darkness. Naruto always thought it was a bunch of crap. Well, with the exception of Sora, the town of Konoha was more boring than ever. However, one day would change that all.

Naruto woke up and rubbed his eyes and sat up in his bed until he was truly awake as usual. His stomach told him it was around noon as it gave a low growl. Naruto grabbed a carton of milk from the refrigerator and a spoon and sat down at the table he would always eat his meals at. His eyes were still closed when he started eating the cottage cheese that had grown in the carton when Sora came by "…" was Sora's first impression. Finally, he spoke up: "You're eating cottage cheese out of a milk carton."

Naruto gave out an obscured "mmhmm," from his continuous eating.

Sora looked at his oddly as he put an easy mac in the microwave "cottage cheese doesn't come in a milk carton." He said

Naruto replied with an ok, and continued eating. Sora shrugged the whole situation off as he joined Naruto for lunch with his easy mac, which had taken almost no time at all to cook. As lunch progressed, another growl could be heard from Naruto's stomach. He finally opened his eyes as his face twisted into a look of discomfort "oh no. That's a bathroom growl," he said and his eyes fell to the cottage cheese "OH NO. I'VE BEEN EATING COTTAGE CHEESE! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SORA?" he yelled as he rushed to the bathroom.

Sora could only sigh. It was just another regular day in the apartment after all. After having a proper lunch, Naruto headed for the front door, but Sora called after him: "Hey Naruto, why don't you wear different clothes for once. I don't know why everyone in this village never changes, but maybe you can _change_ that." He said and laughed "I made a pun."

Naruto agreed to change and so he put on pants that were similar to Rock Lee's and a shirt that had "Right here, right now," written on it. It was really the only other shirt he had. So, with a semi-disgusted grunt that expressed his feelings toward his clothes, Naruto left for training. On his walk through the town, many windows opened, the townspeople looking at his new clothing. Naruto ignored their stares. He didn't know what their opinions were toward his clothes, but he immediately assumed they didn't like it. He was about to head back to the apartment and change when he bumped into Hinata.

Hinata took a look at his shirt and blushed. She blushed and turned around and started poking her index fingers into each other as a sign of nervousness. _This is finally my chance_, she decided "Naruto. I didn't realize you wanted a girl so bad. Looks like Kakashi was right. I'll go and agree to the terms right now. Thank you Naruto. You've helped me become more confident of myself," she said mumbling.

"What did you say? You're always mumbling. Nothing important I'm sure. However, could you tell me if I look good in these clothes? I've always trusted your judgment. You've helped me out a lot before you know," he stated.

Hinata blushed "me…help you? I…never realized. By the way, those clothes are nice. Would you like _me_ to wear anything in particular for _you_?" she asked, wondering where all this courage was coming from, then she remembered what she did with Kakashi and quietly giggled. She remembered that there was in fat a reason behind her newfound confidence

Naruto took her sexual euphemism as a joke and decided to play along as well, especially since he could hear her giggle after she had asked the question. "sure. I would like nothing better. I want you to real something real revealing. Just for me, ok?" he asked with a wink.

With another giggle, Hinata agreed, and was on her way to her own training. As Naruto walked through the village, he saw a lot of people outside the town hall. Naruto decided to ask someone what was going on.

"Apparently, there's a monster around town. We keep trying to tell people it's a jutsu, but they just wont listen," the person said

"Wow. A real ghost! I'm going to hunt him down and begin my legacy as savior of Konoha, because I'm Uzumaki Naruto, the next Hokage. Believe It!" he said with a grin, thrusting his fist into the air.

The person punched him on the head "my God! I'm so sick and tired of that catch phrase. We don't hate you because you're the nine tailed fox. We hate you for your phrase and for your voice," the person said, growing ten times in size. Naruto slinked away to avoid this crazy person, and made his way to the training site.

Naruto finally got to the site where Kakashi had told them to meet. Kakashi wasn't there yet as always. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura decided to do some training before Kakashi got there. After a few hours, Kakashi arrived, but there were many townspeople with torches behind him. "Uhh…Naruto, I may have done something for you without your consent. It has to do with Hinata." He said

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura looked at Kakashi oddly. Kakashi seemed oddly mellow for having obviously done something wrong. It was like how Kakashi's eyes would suddenly go emotionless and make him look mellow. "Oh right. The mob behind me. Yeah…that has to do with Hinata as well…and something else. Maybe I ought to just explain myself," he said

Author's Note: It's a bit short, but I couldn't exactly include too much with out spoiling

Next Chapter: What is it that Kakashi did and what is the significance of a ghost, and does that have anything to do with the story's title? All this and more…on the next…Dragon ball Z. Err…I mean Naruto


	2. Kakashi's day

Naruto, We've got to Catch that Villain.

A fanfic by Brian O'Connor

Chapter 2: Kakashi's day

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. If I did, I would save the rainforest :P

Kakashi woke up like any other day, and like Naruto, he didn't know today was going to be different. In fact, soon enough, Kakashi wouldn't know anything in a short amount of time. You see, Kakashi often likes getting high on weed. He felt as if today would be a particularly hard day, so he brought out his bong. Kakashi smoked for about half an hour, after which, he was laughing for no apparent reason.

Someone rang the doorbell of Kakashi's house, so Kakashi made his way to the door. It was just a regular person, but apparently, everyone in town knew about Kakashi's pot, because the person was asking for some. "I'll never share my secret stash. When will you guys take a hint?" Kakashi replied

"I swear. One day, I'll get an angry mob and chase you down until you give us some pot," the person said, leaving.

Kakashi sighed. This guy had killed his buzz a little, so Kakashi went back to his bong. Thirty minutes later, his doorbell rang again. "Oh dude. How funny would it be if there was an angry mob outside my door," he said laughing hysterically. He opened the door, and of course, there was an angry mob, complete with torches and everything. "Oh crap," Kakashi said, poofing to anywhere else he could go. He ended up in a regular house.

Kakashi decided to hide in a closet, thinking they wouldn't ever be able to find him in a closet. "They would never imagine me, Kakashi, to go in the closet," he said, and laughed at his unintentional pun. When he opened the closet though, he found a shrine to Naruto. "What the hell?" was all he said.

Hinata Hyuga then entered the room and as she was about to ask why Kakashi was there the subject quickly turned to "oh my god. Please don't tell anyone," she requested.

"Like I need to. Everyone _except_ for Naruto already knows that you like him. It's really easy to tell." He said. Hinata could only blush. "Tell you what Hinata, maybe with my help, we can help you find true love with Naruto. Here. Smoke this." He said, and she slowly took it with a shaking hand and started smoking, coughing quietly at the beginning. "I'll be right back. I'd like to have a conversation about Naruto and yourself with them. Don't worry, they know you like him too," Kakashi said and went downstairs. Fifteen minutes later, the entire house smelled of pot and Kakashi came back upstairs to visit Hinata. She was giggling for no reason as well now, and it became contagious as Kakashi started laughing too.

"So what did you talk about with my parents," she said, laughing.

"I've talked to your parents, and you can now get engaged with Naruto if you choose to." He said also laughing

Hinata stopped laughing. She could actually marry Naruto. She seemed a bit normal again as she blushed more than ever, "I don't know. I'll have to think it over. Wait here. I think I'll talk about it with Naruto. By the way Kakashi, thanks for the pot. It's really boosted my courage." She said leaving the house.

A while later, Hinata returned "It's decided. Naruto and I are going to get married, and it's all thanks to you" she said, still blushing.

"So did he actually say he agreed to the marriage?" Kakashi asked

"No. Not exactly, but it rather seemed like he liked me, so I'm deciding for him," she said.

Kakashi smiled, "Still…I'll have to tell him about this later. In the meantime, I've got the munchies man. You go train, ok?" he asked. Hinata agreed, and they both left. Kakashi went to a nearby sushi restaurant, and started gorging himself with food. This lasted a good forty-five minutes.

However, the angry mob found him again, and they appeared to have a leader now, and so the leader spoke, "I am Kazuma Torisuna, leader of our newfound committee 'leafless' and we want your pot. We know you shared it with the Hyugas, and now we want it more than ever, and now we're going to follow you twenty-four seven until you give us pot or until we see where you keep your pot," he said

Kakashi sighed "oh dear god. Could this day get any worse. Wait…I have to explain everything to my cell now. Might as well get it over with." He said to himself. Thus we are where we were at the end of Naruto's day. Kakashi explained the day's events to the cell, and that was when Naruto started complaining.

"What. You forced me into a marriage without my consent?" he asked

"Your guardian is Iruka and he already agreed. The Hyugas have agreed as well. Besides, Hinata is a nice girl to be married to" Kakashi said

Naruto was silent for a while after that, apparently thinking about the good sides. There really weren't too many downsides to this, "It's ok Kakashi. I also agree to the decisions you made. I'll make Hinata a happy girl," he said with a grin.

Sakura couldn't help but think, "wow. Naruto's finally acting mature. I think I like this new mature Naruto."

Sasuke then said "dot, dot, dot," and everyone looked at him oddly, so explained why he said that: "well, in the manga, when I don't have anything to say, I have three dots in a speech bubble, but since this is real life, I'm actually saying the dots. It just…amuses me" he said, looking completely serious.

The rest got on with their day as they moved into exercises, the leafless group watching Kakashi the whole time. Kakashi decided to teach them a new jutsu, but he was still high, so there was no telling what would happen. Kakashi began well, but halfway through, he started doing the chicken dance, "duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh,"he said in the tune of the chicken dance.

"dot, dot, dot," Sasuke said.

"Jeez. I can't believe that Naruto is the most normal person here after me. We are one weird group of people" Sakura thought to herself.

Author's note: in no way does this fanfic promote the use of drugs.

Next chapter: This Narrator will have to bore you with the same day yet again, but it's the last time this day is gone through. Don't worry though. Everything will make sense later. Here's a little hint: This group still needs a dog and a fashion queen


	3. Kiba's day

Naruto, We've got to Catch that Villain.

A fanfic by Brian O'Connor

Chapter 3: Kiba's day

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. That simple enough for you?

Kiba Inuzaka woke up to the relentless barking of his dog akamaru. He grunted for a while, eventually harshly telling his dog to shut up. "Well. Best I woke up anyway. I have to train every hour I have. I've lost to Naruto but I will never lose again," he said putting on his village headband and after having a proper lunch, made his way to the training area. "Hey Kurenai-sensai: where's Hinata? It's not like her to be late."

Kurenai remained silent for a while "today for training I will be giving you nerf guns. You're going to play a game of capture the flag. No using ninjutsu or genjutsu. You get one point if your nerf dart hits the enemy and you get five points if you get their flag and bring it back to your own base." she explained

"Yes Kurenai-sensai," Kiba and shino said at the same time

_nerf guns…wow. Kurenai-sensai sure think of weird training_, Kiba thought to himself as he took his position on the field. Kiba had Akamaru stay at their flag and while he ran down the middle of the field Shino, however, was launching a full out offensive with his insects in tow. "Wait…aren't his insects a ninjutsu?" he asked Kurenai.

"No. It's a ninja tool. Those are allowed. Not to harm the enemy of course." she added. Kiba decided to attatch a string to a shuriken and threw it so that it would circle around Shino's flag. A trap was waiting though. Apparently, Shino was assuming he could harm Kiba. Kiba repeated this technique with his shuriken but Shino threw a kunai at his shuriken to stop it. The two then spent a very long time trying to hit each other with darts and trying to get the other person's flag. Finally, Hinata came, and the match came to a halt.

"Hey Hinata. About time you showed up. Wait…is that weed Akamaru and me smell? Just what have you been up to?" he asked

"Well, I may be…a little high, but I'm engaged to Naruto now so I'm glad I got high." Hinata said

"WHAT! Engaged to Naruto? Is that even legal at our age?" he asked

"I suppose so. We just both have to be consenting is all," she said

Kiba looked at her with disbelief "You know what? I'm not even going to bother trying to figure you out. You are one weird girl." he said, going back to training. Hinata decided to do her own training since the teams would be unfair if she joined the capture the flag game, but she seemed to be in her own little world half the time anyway. As the day continued, Kiba's mind was back on his loss to Naruto and he was playing the game harder than ever. "Now that I think of it, I'm more envious of him then ever now…I mean, when you're married, you usually…do stuff," he said slightly blushing, but shook his head "must focus on becoming better then him. Maybe then I'll get some action without even being married." He said with a smile, slightly breaking into laughter

The sun started going down and the rest of the cell went to their homes. Kiba had won the capture the flag game by two points, but he felt that wasn't enough so Kiba decided to do regular training for a good part of the night. During his training though, he could've sworn he saw a gathering of torches somewhere in the village. He decided to check it out, and upon closer inspection he saw tents propped outside Kakashi's house. He heard a rustle in the trees nearby, and suddenly went on guard. It might just be a sentry for this group of campers, but Kiba wasn't taking chances. Surely enough, out of the woods came a translucent figure. "What is this? A jutsu?" he thought aloud.

One of the sentries of the leafless band happened to be walking by though "Ahhh! It's the ghost that's been terrorizing the town recently. Everyone run for your lives!" After that, people scurried out of their tents and began running and screaming. Kiba stared in disbelief. Could these people really be this stupid? He supposed they could be though if they had never studied the way of the ninja. So Kiba simply stayed there, seeing what this so called 'ghost' would do. After all, he couldn't exactly detect a smell from this translucent figure.

The ghost floated forward and made contact with Kiba. After that, Kiba had no recollection of what happened. However, Kiba's body roamed the streets, looking like it was possessed. The body eventually made its way to Naruto's apartment, where it broke in using ninjutsu. The body slowly made its way to Naruto's bed and leaned over, looking ready to kiss. Suddenly, Kiba regained consciousness and screamed, waking up Naruto, who also screamed.

"What am I doing here?" Kiba said at the exact same time that Naruto said "What are you doing here"

"I don't…remember anything about how I got here. I think it has something to do with the supposed 'ghost' which is actually some form of ninjutsu." Kiba said growling "We'll just have to take care of it tomorrow. I'm going home"

And so Kiba left, leaving Naruto very confused, but Naruto apparently also decided to leave everything for tomorrow, because Naruto went right back to sleep. On Kiba's walk back home, the leafless band seemed to be returning to their tents, a team of black ops with them. Unfortunately the ghost wasn't there so the black ops team couldn't tell them that it was just jutsu. Kiba figured it would be pointless anyway. Some of the people in this town were really stupid after all.


	4. mystery Inc

Naruto, We've got to Catch that Villain.

A fanfic by Brian O'Connor

Chapter 4: the next day…finally

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but hey! Maybe Masashi Kishimoto (the author of Naruto) will give me some rights as a B-day present :P

Naruto woke up around noon again, and actually had a proper lunch today. Sora was at the lunch table too, so Naruto decided to make some conversation "So get this Sora. At about twelve O'clock last night, I wake up to Kiba's screaming. When that woke me up, I found his lips inches away from mine, as if he was going to kiss me. He claims to not remember anything from the past few minutes up to that moment, but he thinks some jutsu is behind it. The rest of the town seems to think it's a ghost though. What do you think about all this Sora?" he asked

"Yup. Sounds like jutsu alright. Kiba just doesn't seem to be the type to sneak off to a man's house just to kiss him," Sora said.

Naruto was lost in thought for the rest of his lunch. After he put his dishes away though, he heard a knock at the door "that's weird I didn't sense this person coming. Hmm. It must just be because I'm still tired," he said to himself, opening the door, where he saw a black ops member.

"Naruto Uzumaki and Sora Saori?" the black ops member asked

"Yeah. That's us," Naruto said

"Come with me please." The black ops member said. Naruto looked at Sora questioningly, but Sora simply shrugged.

"Yeah. We'll go. Just let me change. Naruto, you should change again as well. I bought something for you. It's the look of a more mature ninja." Sora said with a thumbs up.

Naruto took the cloths and went into the bathroom to change. When Naruto came out, he was wearing the same cloths as Kakashi, mouth guard included. When he came out, he had to ask Sora: "what do you know about Kakashi Hatake? And where did you get this anyway"

"Umm…nothing. The name doesn't even ring a bell. Oh! I got this at the Macy's sale." He said

"NO! don't say those two words. Sasuke will-" Naruto said before being interrupted by Sasuke

"-Who said Macy's sale! Was it you Naruto! Or was it you, kid I don't know! AHHH! It doesn't matter which one of you said it. I need to go to the sale before it's over, but jeez, I can't believe you would keep the sale a secret from me! AHHH! Macy's sale," he said busting out of the window only to fall to the ground in a bloody slump "note to self: don't jump out of windows. Also: get Band-Aids at Macy's sale," he said beginning to crawl away.

"Jeez. I told you not to say those two words," Naruto said sighing. "Oh well, let's just follow this black ops guy. We're probably late now, knowing our luck," Naruto said beginning to follow the person from black ops.

Sora seemed dumbfounded though "sure," he eventually said, following the two in somewhat of a daze. The three headed towards the Hokage's manor. When they got there, they saw an alligator chasing after two scantily clad maids, issuing a "what the?" from Naruto and Sora.

"They're the hokage's maids. Best not worry about them," the black ops member explained. Soon enough, they went inside a grand hall where other ninja were waiting. These ninja included: Ino, Kiba, and Hinata. They all chatted a little, wondering what was going on when the Hokage finally entered.

"On account of these recent mysteries in our fine village, I have decided to get together all the mediocre ninja that have a lot of potential, no offence to you all of course. Together, you will solve the mystery of this ghost in our town. Obviously, It's a ninjutsu, but we must take the necessary precautions to stop it. Do you all agree to be part of this new unit?" he asked. They all said something along the lines of yes and sure.

"Good. From this day forth, your group shall be known as Mystery Incorporated. You shall be given special privileges such as access to B ranked missions with my permission of course. This program has been made specifically to make you all better ninja. Do not disappoint."

"yes Hokage," they said together. Then, the two maids from before ran into the room. Naruto and Sora now noticed that the aligator's eyes had turned into hearts. Was it possible that this alligator found these maids attractive?

"Don't worry about it. Really," the black ops member said. With that, the two maids entered a room that was full of expensive vases, and began throwing them at the alligator.

"Stop that this instant," the Hokage said, a vein popping around his temple. The maids and the alligator quietly went elsewhere, and the Hokage smoked his pipe for a few seconds, beginning to calm down. "Well what are you waiting for. Start trying to solve this mystery" the Hokage ordered. And so Mystery Incorporated left "Remind me again Batou: why am I letting those maids stay here?" he asked

The black ops member spoke up: "Because they have a debt to repay and they have nowhere else to go." The Hokage sighed and began smoking. At least he wouldn't have to take care of mundane things like this ghost issue anymore.

Author's notes: the Macy's sale joke: There's a video on the internet where Sasuke basically goes insane over a macy's sale. If you want to know more about the joke, email me.

-about the maid joke: it's from an anime called "he is my master" I just thought it would make the situation a bit more random


End file.
